Saturday, April 21, 2018

Use Your Head!


This blog is addressed to "whom it may concern" since I promised my wife I wouldn't name any names. Two or three people took umbrage to my last blog, so I thought I'd clear a few things up for them while teaching a little logical thinking in the process. 

No. 1: Spelling. You see when a logical, intelligent person reads a word they've never seen before, or never seen spelled that way, they don't immediately criticize the writer. No, guys, they look the word up. But since that seems a little hard for some, I'll help ya out. This blog isn't the Shoals Tattler, it's the Shoals Tatler. Two different things entirely. A tattler presumably tells on people. A tatler observes and reports. Now that's not too difficult to understand, is it?

No. 2: Gender. Considering I mentioned pretty early on that I had a wife and children, I was pretty shocked to find out that I was a woman. That's not nearly as shocked as my wife was. I haven't had the heart to break it to my kids. No, if you want to criticize someone, be sure you know a little about them or you make all your points look shaky. 

No. 3: Colbert County Sheriff Frank Williamson. You don't like Williamson. I get it. You criticized him for not reporting new sex offenders in a timely manner. Okay, let's say that your criticism is justified and not just some petty revenge on your part. Then what did you say? 

You criticized Williamson for not reporting to the state in a timely manner that two sex offenders had moved out of the county. Actually, all you know is that he (or the person responsible in his office) didn't remove them from the online site. If Williamson is responsible for immediately notifying the state of incoming sex offenders, why isn't the sheriff of the county where these two moved (and registered) responsible for notifying the state of the same thing? See, you can't have it both ways. 

Hope that cleared some things up for you two or three.


Shoals Tatler

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Edward Bowman: A Dangerous Kind of Stupid


Right now, lads and lassies, I'm glad I live in Lauderdale County and not in Colbert where the likes of Edward (Ed) Bowman live. Bowman never met a conspiracy he didn't like. He even supports forgoing vaccines so your child can die a horrible death. Nice, huh? Bowman claims vaccines contain tissue of aborted fetuses. IQ of 12 or less, Mr. Bowman?

Anyone out there really think Bowman found out about the controversial re-entry ministry by himself? If you do, you should think again. Bowman has a bone to pick with the Colbert County sheriff, and it would be interesting to know just what it is and who put him up to it.

He doesn't like county commissioner David Black either. Most people don't, but Bowman's views stem from Black being homosexual. Dunno if he is or not, but that's beside the point. He could be Steve Douglas and I wouldn't vote for him. Bowman needs to stick to the facts.

Now Bowman has allied himself with the crazy Witt couple. Need I say more? If Ed Bowman tells you something is white, you pretty well know it's going to be black before you ever see it.


The Tatler


Sunday, March 11, 2018

Two Witts Don't Even Make One Half-Wit


Fluffy Gets Her Revenge on the Half-Wits

Up until now I hadn't done any tattling on Terry and Resa Witt, that Colbert County couple suing the whole of three counties, two cities, and one chihuahua. That didn't stop the couple (Yeah, I know, it's prolly Mrs. Witt) from commenting on MY BLOG!

Now I know it's hard to comprehend, Mrs. Witt, but comments are for things I've said here. So now you can comment all you want on this blog as long as you don't libel others. Yeah, yeah, silly of me to think she can do that.

How's that lawsuit against Colbert County coming along? Sorry, ol' gal, but don't count on it to keep you in tranquilizers cause you don't have a case. If I were the deputy or the veterinarian, I'd own every thing you got. That's after the bank was through with you.

Now try to post some more idiotic comments and I'll blog on your great family relationships and vehicle problems. How's that sound?


The Tatler

Friday, January 26, 2018

Why So Long for Pen-N-Sword to Get Its New Format?


I recently reviewed the Shoals Insider, so now it's Pen-N-Sword's turn. The site had a virus for ages and every time I ventured near, my McAfee told me I was in danger of being robbed. Not very good PR, is it?

So now the virus is long cured and posts are salaciously scintillating. Don't mess with a great thing, right? But PNS is or so they say.

Readers have been promised a new format for at least three months, but so far none has shown up. Is it just some gimmick to get you to the site like the SI's "Readers' Choice Awards?"

Personally, I'm going to give them 30 more days before I call foul. I'm tired of waiting!


Shoals Tatler

Thursday, January 18, 2018

"Shoals Insider" Shutting Down?


Not long ago I promised to rank the local online news sites. So far, I've not kept that promise, but I'll critique one right now - the Shoals Insider.

A poster on the TVT Forum recently stated the site was closing down. Is it? I took a long look at the site yesterday. It can go seven days with no posts, but it seems to have a lot of advertisers. I'm guessing because of the likes it got on Facebook when it was in its infancy and had no competition.

I've collected 10 or 12 accounts of people not getting ads they've paid for. Shoot me a line if this has happened to you. If it does close suddenly, or even slowly, good luck at any advertisers getting their money back.

The Tatler

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Baby-Killer Justin Green & Local Media


The Shoals Tatler is guessing all online publications received some information about Justin Matthew Green, the little p.o.s. who killed his daughter a few years ago. The Tatler has absolutely no aversion to publishing the worst about this man who doesn't deserve to be walking amongst us, but yet I had to be sure the info I received was true. Was he in the ol' lockup?

It took just one phone call to determine that Justin “Justified” Green was in fact incarcerated in Lauderdale County. But by the time I'd finished this mini-investigation, Pen-N-Sword had published an article on this dreg of humanity, so the Tatler didn't see much necessity in his own. Then I noticed something.

Green's arrest was never in the Quad-Cities Daily. Why? Don't they publish misdemeanor arrests? Had the arrest shown up as only for child support and perhaps didn't fall within that publication's parameters? Or was there something else?

That reminded the Tatler of his promise to rank local publications. I still intend to do just that. I am dropping the Shoals Daily from our list of reading-worthy sites. The Tatler will rate, if not rank, the Quad-Cities Daily, Pen-N-Sword, and yes even the Shoals Insider which doesn't publish much more than the Shoals Daily and whose owner seems to owe half the Shoals for unpublished ads.

But don't think the two more reputable publications will escape our renowned wit. It will be interesting.

Justin Green won't be reading the article. He'll still be behind bars where he deserves to serve the rest of his miserable existence living in his own excrement.

The Shoals Tatler 

Monday, August 14, 2017

Have Leo Take a Bite out of Kitts-Katts





Who's in charge at UNA? Is it the pointy-headed Kenneth Kitts? Is it the over the hill David Shields? Is it the board that usually has their heads up their arses?

My wife and I have three daughters. One is already in college at UNA. She won't be in the spring semester. She'll be at UAH and her sisters will follow.

Did anyone check out Kitts' credentials? How about a background check? Why did he leave his home state and a position he'd held for only a short time? Is there something the people of Florence and the Shoals need to know?

All these clowns need to leave the university, the town, and the state. Not sure where Shields is originally from, but Kitts isn't homegrown. Maybe we should be like in those movies with demons where the priest commands them to return from whence they came?

The Shoals Tatler

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Jacob Modas Hit a Little Ol' Lady!


No, she wasn't the little ol' lady from Pasadena. She was the one from Elgin. Why did Jacob Modas hit her? Some guys just like to beat up on women, we guess, and choose the ones they think won't fight back. How old is Jacob? I'll take a stab at 20. How old was his victim? I'll guesstimate 70. You liking this dude so far? 

If you read our last blog, you know about the Steve Modas-Shane Dabbs feud. Gentleman Jacob, Steve's son, decided to take it to the next level last Friday. So Terry Holden says the cops are looking for Jake the Rake if they haven't found him already. You keeping up? If you aren't, here's a little audio-visual for ya. It's a little windy, but I think this guy is lucky to have that much wind left to say all this after foul-mouthed Jake attacked him.



And I gotta ask about that cute little furball of Modas's. You know the one Steve loves better than Jacob. Does the health department give Modas a free pass to keep him in the store? Looks like Big Steve needs an attorney on speed dial.


The Shoals Tatler

Monday, July 3, 2017

Why Is Steve Modas Mad at the World?





How many of the Tatler's readers follow Steve Modas on Facebook? Probably quite a few.

The Tatler and his lovely other half once knew Steve and his first wife. I can remember when he wanted to sue Elrod's Hamburgers for selling him a burger with maggots in it. No jive, he really did.

Steve, sometimes known as Big Steve, is always mad at someone because that person dissed him or has more friends than he does or some other really, really great reason. 

Since the Tatler has been following him, he's had a feud with a political candidate. Well, who hasn't? Oh, wait, the Tatler hasn't.

Then there was the Rogersville police officer. Say, what was that about? 

There was also the Rogersville volunteer firefighter/banker. I think that was over alcohol. Modas makes his living selling the evil brew, so questioning the effect on community must be off limits as far as he's concerned.

The Lauderdale County School Board? He may have been right about that one, but he sure got a lot of mileage out of it. 

Shane Dabbs. Not sure what Dabbs actually does but he was once a bigwig with Arx Mortis. He also has his own podcast type news program. Is that why he ran afoul of Modas? The whole thing seems to be escalating with rival camps, lines drawn on Highway 72 and riding crops at dawn. This one might be worth watching.

Local blogger O.B. Schweighardt. Didn't he once sing the praises of Modas? Now he's on Facebook calling him "Modass" and accusing him of dating a blowup doll. 

Modas' second ex-wife. He just can't keep 'em, can he? Maybe she should come back and bring some popcorn?

Until next time (a day I'm off and my wife doesn't want something painted), I'm the Shoals Tatler

Friday, May 19, 2017

Did Someone Say Media Wars?



I've been conscripted to moderate the Media Wars. By whom, you ask? Why, my wife, of course. The first thing is to determine how many viable online news outlets we have in the Shoals. Maybe more than you think or maybe less. Let's go in alphabetical order.



Pen-N-Sword: Sure, I read it every day. They had a virus problem for a long time, but now that it's cleared up, it's booming. Good choice for crime and humor.

Quad-Cities Daily: I read this publication every day as well. Great for local event photos and for those who follow chamber of commerce shindigs. It's booming, too.

Shoals Daily: I check in here maybe once a month. It has real potential, but no one's putting anything into it. Who owns it? They can do better, as in at least publishing something. It's dying. I just hated not to include it.

Shoals Insider: No, I don't read every day, but do check in about twice a week. Between all us media insiders like you and me, the owner needs help in more than one way. Mainly a good read only if you like press releases.

Did I leave anyone out? If I did, you can contact me on my Facebook page and threaten to have me arrested for a capital crime. How's that?

What comes next? I'm going to do a Facebook comparison chart of the four and my site as well. I'll try to post the data every week. 

Now the fun begins!

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